A Note on Failing

Repeatedly.

This last few weeks has been a bit of a fail for me. Highlights include a “quick” picture, entirely loosing a very time consuming newsletter, and panic skipping breakfast at a new cafe (less on that later). That just about covers all sides of my life, my creative work, my actual work work, and my version of a social life.

So.. that’s great.

But, I did manage to walk into a new-to-me gallery without doing anything categorically mental, go running and learn to cut mat for a picture, so these I count as wins.

And then. More fail. Entirely Fucking up yet another picture, and visiting not one, but two closed businesses on the same Monday. But let’s discount these, and get to my point.

Failing is good.

Or, necessary.

Or helpful?

A bit like good pain, the pressing (specifically) your own bruise kind of pain.

So long as you learn something. Literally anything from it. It propels you forward, with a fresh sense of self awareness and an aim to do better in whatever sense this means to you.

When it comes to creative work, this is particularly relevant - Though learning that walking miles around London hungry is mad, is maybe a necessary lesson - Anyway.

So lets go to that failed picture. Which as a glutton for punishment, I decided to post to Instagram. Now, a cursory glance over my feed may lead someone to ask, “really? you just think that one was a fail?” And I would not be upset or even attempt to disagree with the idea, that many things on there would hardly be held up as shining examples of artistic genius. However, whatever my feelings on a piece (or myself), I hasten to remark that they are not all in fact failures.

Usually, I treat The Gram like a working digital sketchbook. I post pieces and even if they aren’t fanfreakingtastic, I would like to say, they get better. If only in small increments or certain ways with each new post. The new picture usually deals with something (anything), a little better than the previous. So, maybe I’ve worked the pastel in a less muddy way, maybe the layout has worked better, or even the likeness is better if not the point. All these things, I would chalk up to a small win, so even if the picture is not amazing, or not as such overall more successful as a finished piece than the one before; we still have progress. And that progress means, not a fail.

And then there’s this:

And honestly, sort of lol at my putting this out in more places, it does make me want to cry. Here, this piece was not progression. This piece is a big hard fail.

To dissect just one mess a little: I knew, before we got to it, that poppies, red poppies, would not work with the figure. But, did I square peg round hole it? Yes. Yes I did. And that is just the start of the numerous mistakes that went on, which I will spare anyone (myself) from going into, and just leave it with this. All of the mistakes were steps backward, they were silly, they were not in the name of getting something new, they were repeating old ground with no aim. This was not making a new piece and exploring, or a “it’s not the destination but the journey” moment, this was just a plain fail.

So where do I go from here. What is the point of highlighting this failure?

Well, sometimes things fail. And I do genuinely believe that by noting our failures we can better see our successes.

By understanding what a fail means to us, we can take sincere pleasure in the wins, even if they are tiny. Failure is something different for everyone, once you understand what it is for you, you don't have to fear it and it's power is your power.

So, fail. go ahead, often and with glee. (ok, not glee) But relish in all those gooey feels of sending a dull thud under the bruised skin. Enjoy that little pause when it stops that you only feel if you've done it: that’s the next tiny win.